I feel handsome today. That used to not be an uncommon thing for me to say on social media, to my friends when I met them for drinks at our favorite spot downtown, or even as a statement along with a photo to some stranger on Tindr. But nowadays, it feels strange and even revolutionary to admit it.

For months now, conservatives have spent countless hours speaking in detail about how monstrous, wrong, inferior, and inhuman trans bodies are. They believe (or pretend to believe for extra dollars in their pockets) that trans people mutilate their own genitals in order to encourage children to do the same. They argue that trans people are merely mentally ill and society shouldn’t encourage them to pursue (necessary, life-saving) medical intervention. They misunderstand, whether out of ignorance or as a deflection from their violent hatred, the steps trans people must already go through to secure gender-affirming care.

I thought that listening to that despicable rhetoric would help me to understand why legislators were taking these measures; that somehow, it would unlock the door I’d made to separate myself from them.

Instead, my curiosity only drove my gender dysphoria to an all-time high. I would only allow fleeting glances of myself in the mirror. I couldn’t stand looking at my warped reflection in the huge window panes lining the buildings while walking my dog. I would rarely share photos of myself to my private social media accounts.

I loathe the idea that these assholes are affecting me this way. That the words they say could crawl under my skin and infiltrate the structures I’d started building when I started transitioning in 2016. Seven years of therapy, work, and self-love felt like it was evaporating to reveal the self-hatred I’d been harboring all along.

But today, I faced myself in the public bathroom of a coffee shop and a voice said, “I look handsome.”

The legislative session ends May 29. Governor Abbott will most likely call special sessions and enact executive orders to ensure that his overarching plan to criminalize and erase the existence of trans people moves forward. His attempts may be successful just like those of Governor DeSantis in Florida.

I’m here to assure you that every time you wear that dress, every time you schedule a haircut, every time you smile and laugh and dance and create and sing, you’re existing in a body that is yours and only yours.

And you’re looking damn attractive today.